Thursday 23 April 2015

Reasons why IFHC

Cancer is Cancer and its shit, it's the worst thing ever, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy or ex boyfriends.... No really I wouldn't. No matter what "good" may have come out of this shit storm it will never outweigh the devastating consequences and how it slammed the breaks on my life,flipped it upside down and is slowly spitting it back out.

Reasons why I fucking hate Cancer :-

Taken away my ability to have my own family.

Given me a heavy heart.

I will never be care free/happy go lucky again.

I will always convince myself that it is coming back and spreading.

Made me bitter.

Stopped me working.

Given me anxiety and depression.

Lost my independence.

Ive become "the girl" that people tell their friends about.

Seeing people I love be destroyed and consumed by it.

Now unable to sleep without medication.

Safe to say for these reasons it has ruined my life.

No longer recognise myself.

Made my cry - a lot.

Made me look and feel like a boy.

Neuropathy.

Painful bones and joints,aching muscles.

Lymphedema and the sleeve that comes with it.

In growing toe nail.

Envy.

Loneliness.

Inability to look forward or look to the future.

Panic attacks.

A world that is now completely ruled by Cancer.







3 comments:

  1. Hi,

    my name is Michelle and I'm 15 years old. I live in Greece, and as a greek, I have a big family.

    Because of cancer I have lost 2 uncles, one of my grandmas, might sound stupid, but my dog and un aunt of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer on December. Doctors say my aunt is okay now but she is going through chemo.

    I'm not trying to tell you that I know how you feel... I'm just trying to tell you that you are right. You are right and that is awful. It is completely awful and for a weird reason it motivates me. I want to become a doctor in order to help people dealing with cancer. But that is not the thing. I would like to do everything to help you in any way... I get the fact that it is difficult for you to see in the future, it is for me too. Living in a country that offers me nothing anymore and knowing that I will probably end up jobless or in the best case... a waitress. From a doctor to a waitress pretty funny, huh?

    But I will tell you something I was taught a long time ago, something my mom said, when she learned about a tumor on her left ovary: The show must go on, no matter how many obstacles there are going to be. Life is a show that nobody can be prepared for the plot-twists, the happy or bad endings. There is always a way to get through difficulties. No, I am not talking about cancer.

    For example you talk about family. You say that you won't be able to have your own family. Actually, I will only tell you something that probably works more for greeks. Your parents are always there for you. Internally showing their love and affection to you. No, matter what they will help you. I hope they are there for you, helping you through these moments. In Greece there are no empty nests, kids always go back to their family to create a healthier version of a new family. But, if you want children the first thing I always think about is adoption. And then I think again the fact that you need a job and money and probably a bit of help. But as I said there is always a way. Right now I just gave you an example, I don't mean to give you any lessons.

    My way to get through difficult moments, such as crying for hours because I don't want to grow up, and become a waitress and never have a proper life, is friends. friends are there for you and they are your home. They care about you, if they are true friends. It is proven that spending time with loved-ones, is one of the best anxiety reliefs, and trust me I have anxiety issues due to school and exams and I had recently a mental breakdown. Just one of the thousands young people in Greece that have the same worries.

    Anyway, should you ever feel the need to talk to somebody, I am here.

    I know I am too young and I might sound dumbbut I don't care, I want to be here for you.

    With respect,
    Michelle Vachos

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  2. Hello my name is simonne and I live in Belgium I think it brave of you that you 've placed those pictures.

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  3. Hello, My name is Alicia. I have breast cancer as well. I am 29 years old. Your post struck a cord with me. I have been keeping a diary since I was diagnosed. I wrote an almost identical entry in my diary. I felt like I was reading this post right out of my own diary! I had a bilateral mastectomy 3 weeks ago. I know exactly how you feel. Wishing you the best.
    Sincerely,
    Alicia from Minnesota

    ReplyDelete